In my experience, expectations transform simple situations into messy, stress factories. Oof. How? Well, expectation results from a desire to control circumstances and others involved within them. This desire to control is cause for conflict. Conflict can produce any number of crazy, stress factory outcomes - anxiety, of course; fumbled communication; confused resentment towards another (say, your super supportive business partner); despair; grief police; a frustration hamster wheel; etc., other unnecessary reactions. That is to say, oof. All that sounds messy and rather complicated to me.
Here's my philosophy on stress-factory resolution:
Clear, open lines of communication are key.
January proved its own stress factory. (I went so far as to create a Spotify playlist, “2017 | January Calm.” Click, listen, and relax with me.)
These past 2 weeks went on like a marathon. All together, now. Weenta and I completed our 5-year business growth plan - 40 pages in all! Woohoo!. We made it through pitch competition trials. I submitted print article to local magazine. My best friend made Love You Productions an awesome wall for our very first bridal. Lastly, we nailed it at our first bridal show. Yipee! I definitely cried a little somewhere in the middle of all of that. I had placed too many expectations on myself to keep up.
Finally, I voiced my feelings, "Weenta, I am exhausted and full of anxiety! I don't want to go to any more client meetings!" She voiced her own feelings. We were honest with each other and adjusted according to our combination of feelings and desires.
In the end, we both felt clear and accomplished.
But, the next point is key... When communicating about your experience of particular situation, e.g. "I experience _____x______ emotion while inside of ______x______circumstance,"....
Do your best to disentangle your feelings from your desires/ideas/opinions/beliefs. Feelings, desires, opinions are all separate things.
For instance, at the end of last week, I realized- Oh no!
Love You Back Productions has a wedding commission scheduled at the same time as my family trip.
Rather than reacting, I simply explained my feelings regarding the circumstance, "Weenta, I feel even more stressed than I did yesterday (feelings). Love You Back Productions has a wedding commission scheduled at the same time as my family trip. I want to go on the trip (desires). Here is my plan: We can hire an assistant camera operator for the commission date (ideas). You can handle the commission on your own (beliefs). You are free to not like this plan; however, I still have these feelings."
That last line is critical.
You are free to not like....however, I still have these feelings."
This experience shows that if I acknowledge the validity of Weenta's feelings, thoughts, ideas, and personal experience, my own feelings will be acknowledged. So... In making a collaborative decision, the other person/s' feelings, thoughts, ideas, personal experience/s, etc. are as valid and important if not more so than one's own.
The result was awesome:
Love You Back Productions has a wedding commission scheduled at the same time as my family trip. I am going on the family trip. Love You Productions is an assistant camera operator on the commission date.
Looking back. Mistakes as well as ups and downs are all good and, perhaps, fun...maybe, but serenity is my main goal 2017. The ups and downs are lessons! That's key! That's much is true and really, very important, too. The ups and downs are lessons!